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2011 Masters Preview

For as long as I've been a fan of the game of golf, I think I've held The Masters as my favorite sporting event of the year. The purity, magnitude and tradition, along with the confirmation that Spring has arrived, make The Masters the greatest golf tournament in the world. The 75th playing of The Masters (and 26th year of Jim Nantz covering it) will undoubtedly be compelling as the green jacket and the #1 world golf ranking are both up for grabs. And while Spring could bring the rebirth of Tiger's winning ways, there are young careers that could blossom right before our eyes with a Masters win. Without further embarrassing myself with shitty puns, I'll give you my 2011 Masters contenders:

Favorites:

Phil Mickelson: Not a whole lot to say here. Clearly likes the course as evident by his 3 jackets. Hits the long and high drives, putts well and has perfected the "I appear carefree but am totally locked in and kind of a dickhead," look

Lee Westwood: "Westy" as his mates call him, has played very well in recent majors and has had success in Augusta with a runner up finish last year. Laser focus and a big game make him one of the favorites. Looks like Kevin Youkilis.

Nick Watney: This may come as a surprise to a few people but I truly think Watney can win his first major here. 5 top 10's this year along with two rounds in the 60's last year makes me feel good about his chances. Much better at his job than his cousin hers.

In the Hunt:

Matt Kuchar: Former Masters low amateur, Georgia native and overall chill dude, Kuchar has a great shot to be wearing Sunday green. I thought he was the best player on tour last year and he has 6 top 10s this year. One of my favorite players on tour, I'd love for Kuch to get loose out there.

Bubba Watson: Another one of the good guys, Watson absolutely blasts drives, has a nice putting touch and is confident to hit any type of shot. The lefty reminds me a lot of Phil, except Bubba seems like a genuinely nice guy.

Graeme McDowell: I'm not sure if G-Mac was player of the year last year but I hope to hell he was. Was truly impressive winning the US Open and made a crucial putt to win the 2010 Ryder Cup for the Europeans. An avid tweeter and pint swiller, G-Mac will be good for a few good twitpics regardless of the outcome.

Tiger Woods: Always a threat to win the tournament. No personality. His balls tend to stray in to hazards.

Sleepers

Freddie Couples: More of a legit contender, Freddie can easily shoot a round or two in the 60s. The major question: his back. The not-major question: his level of chillness. Best looking swing in the tournament.

Ryan Moore: Another dude from the Pac. Northwest, Moore has two top 15's in 3 starts at Augusta, a storied amateur career and sartorially pays tribute to Master's past. You can tell that he holds this event on a pedestal and would look great rocking a madras tie with his green jacket.

There you have it, friends. As always, feel free to share your take on the tournament. Enjoy the weekend whether you'll be watching or not.

Photo from masters.org

Easily Amused

Moss and Crazy Chics

Great analogy from this week's Simmons column comparing the Patriots cutting ties with Randy Moss to dudes dating the hot but crazy chic. I always try to hate on Simmons, but he gets it.

"You know it probably won't last long. You know you can't get attached. You know that it has to be condoms all the time, every time, no exceptions. You know you can't let her move her stuff into your apartment, give her a key, get your e-mail password or find out where your checkbook is. Even when things are going perfectly -- like a vacation in Mexico when you're watching the sun setting on the beach, or a dance floor at a wedding when she's the sexiest girl there and you're the envy of your buddies -- in the back of your mind, you're constantly saying 'Keep your guard up, keep your guard up, keep your guard up,' because that's how it has to be. And at the first hint of trouble, you bail. No hard feelings."

Anheuser-Busch to offer 500,000 free Budweisers

That's right. As reported in bizjournals.com, Anheuser-Busch plans to offer 500,000 free Budweisers at bars and restaurants in the hope of attracting more drinkers among the under-30 crowd. This is AB's largest ever national free sample effort. The reason for this, and this is astounding to me: Only 4 out of 10 people in their mid 20's have tried Budweiser. TRY. Budweiser used to flow quite freely during my HS and college days. Friends and colleagues would agree. In fact, a few of the staff members may wish they didn't have as many Budweisers at the staff retreat last weekend. It just makes me wonder what everyone else has been drinking? Craft beers (jvining)? Keystone? -- I guess that is understandable given the age demographic. But to reach your mid 20's and not even try a Budweiser is un-American to me.

I hope that people take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. I know TCD staff members will be on it and provide information on which local watering holes will be serving cold Buds during "National Happy Hour" on September 29.

Delayed Weekend Inspiration

Schadenfreude

Thanks to Thos. Weekends for sending along.

Two sweet smart phone apps

iSwimNude - locations of nearest topless/nude beaches. Probably yields best results outside of US, closer to/South of the equator. Summer in Brazil, for instance, is not that far off. Neither is winter in St. Barths.

DateMate - essentially a really smart "little black book." In all honesty I can't tell if this is too cheesy or screams of too much desperation, but it is kind of hilarious/awesome. Essentially you build a profile for each chic and track your contact with them, dates, bases achieved, etc. This app will even spit out serious graphs to track your progress pursuing various inputs (i.e., chics) over user-defined timeframes. TCD loves data/infographics/charts.

Toking el Reef

I bet Joakim Noah does. Why not? It really isn't a huge surprise but its always funny to see a picture of someone famous milling around in a bong shop ('80's parent!).
The scouting report says that Joakim is always good on the glass.

Chili Bomb

Sounds like something you'd order at Sizzler or Outback Steakhouse...or at a Chili's. But instead it's a legit weapon of war...or at least crowd control. This story is a little dated, but that doesn't change the fact that I came across it today. In an effort to reach out to our Indian fan base, I thought I'd shed light on the effective new weapon of the Indian Army. It appears that the fearless troops have begun to fill grenade casings with dust from the world's hottest chili - the bhut jolokia, native to Assam in northeast India. Chili/pepper hotness, I learned, is measured in Scoville heat units. The average Jalapeno scores a 10,000 on the Scoville scale. Not bad. Mexico's hottest pepper? The red savina scores a reputable 577,000. (Sidenote: does anyone else wonder if this ranking system is like Zimbabwe's currency: hyperinflated?). But the bhut jolokia? 1,001,304. Those last 1,304 units count just as much as the first 1,000,000. Trust me.

Check out the full story here.

Memorial Day Tunes

I never really ripped a lot of Grateful Dead albums during my wee days - however, I never objected to hearing them in the background. Winona counselors were not afraid to crank a nice Dead tape on the way to Chocorua Mtn with a shitload of Juniors hopped up on fruit leather, in the back, yelling about god-knows-what. Good times.

Enjoy the track:

Revisionist History

Some "folks" in Texas are longing for the stoneage. A gaggle of ultra-conservative Evangelicals have gained control of the Texas Education Board and are looking to make some changes to the curriculum in the state public school system. What are these changes you ask? Welp, there will be plenty of discussion about god, guns and the benefits of McCarthyism with minimal focus on science, the civil rights movement and Thomas Jefferson - other than denouncing his idea of separation of church and state. The article says that liberals across the country are alarmed. Yeah, well, shouldn't everyone but these people be alarmed? This idea and these people seem pretty fuuuucked. Glad the Texas public school system is breeding tomorrow's American Taliban. Maybe this subject will be tackled in season 5 of Friday Night Lights with Joe McCoy leading the munson movement. I don't do this justice. Read the full article here.

Fun With Colors

Unfortunately, the results of the comical survey are far more pleasing than the real life survey based on the comic. I'll let you decide which one's is fake and which one is real. Just know that if you can't figure it out you're more than colorblind.





Learn what this is all about here.

An Experiment

A few hearty TCD fans were subjects in an experiment conducted over the past weekend involving the use of both of these objects simultaneously. Results looked unpleasant to the subject but were hilarious to me.

Masters Update

Hello Friends, we've had an exceptional first two days of play. The fat has been trimmed and the contenders have separated themselves from the pretenders. For the record, TCD contender picks are 8 for 9 with Poulter and Westwood tied for the lead at -8. Casey never recovered from that gross triple he picked up (which I sniped online, at the office, utilizing ninja-like skills on the alt-tab function with a gross spreadsheet as backup) on the back yesterday and perhaps the injury that forced him to withdraw from Houston last week could be more serious.

To briefly summarize Thursday and Friday: Thursday was a scoring day with the consensus amongst players that the course was set up for throwing down a low number. Veterans like Freddie Couples and Tom Watson took advantage of the opportunity coming in at -6 and -5, respectively. Westwood and Mickelson shot 67's with Tiger and Poulter at 68. Tiger was scary with how well he played in his debut - he missed at least 3 easy puts to go way lower.

Friday was more of a survival day. Pins were tucked away and greens tightened up with the drier conditions. I have to say that Ian Poulter played the best golf of the day - he seemed to be in total control. Westwood was great as were Tiger, KJ Choi, Ricky Barnes and Anthony Kim. It feels like the whole field has positioned itself for a very dramatic weekend. Leaderboard

The weekend is chalk full of storylines: Tiger, past major winners, old guys, young guys, Ryder Cup studs - it just feels like if you're at even for the tournament, you have a shot. I see Poulter and Woods playing in the final group on Sunday. They both look like they're in total control. Phil can always get loose and rattle off a bunch of birdies to put himself as the leader. Tony Kim has totally legit game but you just wonder how much that thumb is bothering him. Freddie, Ricky, Kuch, KJ, Westwood, Yang, Mahan, Yes! Big time golfers, big time forum, stunning couse, at least 20 players in the hunt, 19 of them wear socks (Freddie!): Get excited, crack a Lachey, have a safety meeting, do whatever you need to do - Just be ready for a great golf weekend. TCD will be following it all the way.

TCD 2010 Masters Contenders

Well, its that time of year again - The Masters, a sure sign of Spring, begins Thursday. The Azaleas are in full bloom, the feminists are angry, and Jim Nantz is trading in his Final Four voice for his back of the throat Augusta soothe. Lets cut to the chase and present the contenders:

Horse for the Course:
Tiger Woods – Even after a Winter of zero competitive golf and stewing over his transgressions, it’s hard to bet against a guy with four jackets and still in his prime. Augusta will make him forget all about his past "bogeys."
Ernie Els – Arguably the hottest golfer on tour. Took 2 wins on the Florida swing and has been in the hunt here before. The Big Easy definitely wants to party in a Green Jacket Sunday night.
Retief Goosen – Another contender from South Africa, The Goose loves to get loose at Augusta. A very impressive track record (ex last year’s cut) and experience coupled with some good play this year could get The Goose in the green.

In the Hunt:
Paul Casey – The British Bulldog can go as low as anyone on tour and has gone low here before. Needs to put four consistent rounds together to be up there on Sunday. Hopefully he doesn't wear another Nike shirt with a hogan on the back. (See 2008 Masters)
Phil Mickelson - With all the talk about Tiger, people may be sleeping on Phil. Lefty has not played his best golf this year but thats is not to say he's played poorly: 7 for 7 on cuts and no public humiliation. Phil also has, like, infinity top 5's here so he's a great pick.
Lee Westwood - Lee should probably be a Horse for the Course but he has cost me in previous Masters betting sessions so I demoted him. Big time game. Plays well in majors. Model citizen.

Sleepers:
Mike Weir – He’s won here before and always seems to be lurking around on weekends like Crash in 2003. Leads the tour in putting average on a course where good putting is essential.

Matt Kuchar - Can't believe it was 12 years ago when he was the low amateur at Augusta. Matt hasn't played here since '99 but has two top 10s in his last two events and has played well all season. He's playing with Tiger the first two rounds. Seems like a sweet dude.

Ian Poulter – Could this be the year of the PoulterHeist? The outspoken Brit has great game and a "hit or miss" wardrobe selection. Would love to see a Green Jacket/pink pants combo in Butler Cabin. Also rocks an entertaining Twitter feed.

There ya have it, Lads and Lassies. Please feel free to comment or agree/disagree. Enjoy.

Photo courtesy of The AP

Bernie Carbo was Real Loose When he Hit that Home Run

The Boston Globe is currently running a series of stories of memorable Boston Sport’s figures and their 15 minutes of fame. From the Story:

Bernie Carbo launched the greatest pinch-hit home run in Red Sox history. He admitted he was high on drugs during the 1975 World Series.“I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some [amphetamines], took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, and got up to the plate and hit,’’ Carbo said.

I guess we can add Carbo to the ranks of Doc Ellis, David Wells and the ’86 Mets as great achievers in baseball while under the influence.

Carbo has since found Jesus and cleaned up his life. Side note: When I was younger, my parents went to some event and Carbo was there. My dad talked to him (said he was a really nice guy) and Bernie signed and wrote a fairly extensive message on a baseball for me and my brothers. The message was along the lines of those weird billboards you see in the South: Not so subtly promoting Jesus and possibly containing a quote from The Bible. I think we innocently played with that ball a few days later and lost it - likely to the beast when I ripped one of famous backyard home runs. Full story here.

Palm Sunday Boob Shots!

Psych (80s)...but we do love chips!

Tebow Follow-up

Tim, you're a better and more accomplished man than me, but you also make yourself an easy target. We last told you about Tim's paltry Wonderlic Exam result, now we're getting some sweet intel from Pro Football Talk on Tim's pre-Wonderlic ritual. Check it here. Hilarious.